A Record of Worthy Experiences..
Almost till the end of college and even a few days after that, I have always wanted the Easy way out of things. The easiest course to learn, the easiest household chore to do, the easiest job to take up.. Never had tried my hand on harder paths. Every difficulty that came by my way proved extremely Negative to my confidence and perseverance. Yes, I was Unstable.. I was Fickle one may say.
It called for a lot of compromise and adjustment from the end of my loved ones to keep me going on what I started thinking to be the easiest and struggling to face the smallest of challenges attached to it. Hard-work, Planning, Timeliness, It was never my cup of Tea until I was pushed to accept all these as a part of my survival. When all hands that held me as support were far away, and I had to take care of everything that pertains to me, that when I learnt to struggle and to survive. Spending endless nights under the noise of Rats, Compromising on any food that would fill my stomach for the time, Running around without even thinking a second to rest, working without having a look at the spokes of the clock, thats how I spent the last six months of my life in Zambia.
Having not cared to even wash my clothes in the machine, I had to hand-wash my clothes every week, clean my room, plan my day... If not for the loneliness I would have still been my old self. But again the demon in my mind woke up. I gave up. I gave up to survive the odds that I faced. For the first time I came to terms with my negativity and instability. I realized I was being fickle, unstable, yet all that my heart asked was.. Is this Worth my time? The hard truth stood like a giant before me. Threatening me that It was yet again an embracement with my Negatives. A part of heart not wanting to give-up, A logical mind speaking the worth of life each day. I was engulfed by mixed emotions. Ofcourse, I learnt life, but I had to feed myself, provide for my fancy wishes.. I could no longer stay there. I gave-up to satisfy my thirsty mind seeking for exposure and knowledge, an opportunity to live the fruits of my hard-work. To let-go for a better tomorrow- That was the mantra in my heart.
Often I get Engrossed in thoughts of my own existence. Questioning myself If I was doing the right thing. Afraid of the Guilt of Failure, of being a mistake, of being wrong, of facing faces that I walk past when they had a different opinion. It is like an biological Evaluation and Control System, checking the worth of every moment. Wanting to kill the time of joblessness in India, I started involving in Activities. I started ticking the check-boxes of my bucket list. One such activity is Swimming.
One day while Swimming I felt like I was drowning, Not knowing how deep I could go, Truly engulfed by fear I wanted to come up. Wanted entered my nostrils. It was difficult to handle. All of it happened in a matter of seconds. If I lost my mind, I may not perhaps be writing this. It was the teachings of my master that echoed in my ears. He always said the key to help oneself is by keeping away Fear and holding on to Patience. It may be difficult to think about patience when one is fighting for life. But if that is the only way of survival, intellect lies in Holding on to It. I gave myself a moment of patience and calmness, trying to figure out what I should have done. I held my left over breath relaxing every part of my body. Within a few milli-seconds I started Floating. I was able to feel the stability. I held the rope next to me and came up to breathe fresh air. A Life Lesson Learnt I must say.
I started searching for similar moments where I can try If patience is really the key. I had a few such similar encounters in the days that followed. I started Running. I have never Ran more that 50-100 meters continuously in my 23 years of living. Breath Control is the toughest of all. I gave my soul a dosage of patience every time I Ran. To Run till I reached my Mental Target. I won't say it was easy, yet I could be an amateur in a few attempts. Everyday I work-out, I try my best to feel the moment, patiently handle my body and breathe air into myself to feel energetic.
One another moment was when I learnt to tow my cycle with my friend's Bike. I was afraid for the first time to hold on to his shoulders and let my cycle (Bike) ride on the control of his motor-bike. I even let him fall once. That was the fear over-ruling me. I killed that fear the next day to confidently and patiently hold on to him.
It is not the work-outs alone that go by this formula of subtracting Fear and Adding Patience in our lives. I could have done the same thing in the last six months to prove a point to myself. That I am not fickle, I am just afraid to Face Reality. Today, having learnt a few valuable lessons, My return seems worthy.
Whenever you feel like drowning yourself in a situation, remember you are holding the hands of Fear, the bad friend. Gift yourself the boost of Patience and Confidence. It may be difficult to see Clear Skies at the times of Storm, but do not give up to the threat of time, face him with Confidence, Be patient, the Rain shall fall and the sky shall become clear once again. If you give yourself the gift of patience, It highlights the positive things around you, make the best use of it to feel good again. Each one of us including Me, do this mistake often, we get afraid, we over-think, become desperate and at the end mess up everything. Lets not heed to the Sweetness in Over-thinking a future, Losing today. Lets face each day in its own taste. Only then we can break the monotony and feel Alive.
The book of life is not elsewhere its in the situations we face. Always remember, Life is the best Teacher. Happy to share a message, Thanking my friends and situations that have been an important part my Happy Realizations on the Secret of Survival, I close this Write up with one of my favorite Quotes by Bruce Lee:
I am Not afraid of a Person, Who knows 1000 kicks
I am Afraid of a Person, Who has Practiced 1 Kick 1000 Times.
The secret of Survival is Patience, The secret behind Mastering it is Practicing in Every situation Consciously until it becomes a Habit.