Wednesday, December 30, 2015

A promise of Unconditional Love

It was a cool late winter morning. I met him on official purpose. I never knew he will become the purpose of my living back then. Never did I even Imagine of it. We started as friends that gave him the privilege to Tease me like a friend. At first it occurred to me only as a friend making fun of the other. Slowly I happened to see his close observation of what I am through those funny remarks. 
He said I was Shy... Which I still Deny...
But my conscience knew he was saying the Truth. The truth I never let myself face for I always wanted to be the shy-free, party-pop person. The truth that only me and my conscience shared and felt bad about during our exquisite lonely times. How did he See it? Has he been seeing through everything about me like this? Has he been knowing me without me saying a word to him? numerous questions propelling from my heart every moment he said something to tease me. 
I tried to prove he was being Judgy, failed miserably, hanging a blushy face right in front of him to see him give that cute smile that made me go crazy. We did not spend hours and days getting to know each-other's history nor did we discuss about future. Endless conversations about things that mattered the most to us. About our cultures, about things that we believed and never believed. Friendship and Professionalism that was the combination of relationship we nurtured, until a day magically I fell for him. 
Was it his cute looks or clear thoughts? Was it his ability to see and admire the real me or Was he matching the Prince Charming in my heart? Even today Its hard to Say. 
On a cold rainy evening, I went to meet him with the usual Joy of being with him. Trust me "Boredom" cant even be near our compounds for his presence and the infectious cute smile kept the air forever lively. He taught me to Shift+Delete 'Worries' and Copy Paste 'Smile'. With him neither was past a hard truth to swallow nor the future a biggest worry. I saw a Man who would see a Woman as his mate as a fellow human and let her have her own world and ready to share it during Morning Teas and Evening Hot Baths.  He made me have a world of my own where I can always feel his presence as an admirer and not the controller of it. 
He walked me into the gates of Joy. It was the day I faced this Hard Truth, that I was Shy and I conquered it. For every admiring stare of his I wanted to dance, for every smile of his I wanted to Kiss. Everything he said made me nod and He brought out the Crazy girl in me by just being himself. I openly revealed him my deep dark secrets and I was, for once being truly myself. It rained heavily washing out all my inhibitions. Dress seemed only an accessory for I learnt the shame was planted in my heart, not in my body. All I saw was him and the Nature merging into me as though my spirit was let free. It took me few more shots of Vodka to tear the Professional Screen I hung between Us. All the more, his jealousy on others who admired me, drew me even more closer to him. I loved it.
He walked out from the room to get something which I don't remember. Leaving him even for a few seconds seemed impossible. I ran to him. It was dark and breezy. Yellow lights to add beauty. I called him by his name and kissed him the moment he turned. A kiss to break all the barriers between us. I kissed him again and again wanting to feel the oneness. "Did my heart knew I may not get one more chance?" He held me like a baby, though he was Shocked. His thoughts all through the evening would have been "Wish I could date her, But she is not ready". Letting the shock sink and passion to take over the moment, He kissed me back. 
We did not know our histories nor plan our future, we did not know each other's stories nor did we calculate if a relationship was possible. All we knew for the moment was we shared a Kiss of Acceptance and Commitment to each other, no matter what. I trusted him with my body and he trusted me with his happy Heart. We made our vows in the silence of love-making. A promise to not make me regret for giving me soulfully to him and A promise to not break his heart that has always been his only strength. A promise to face every situation every difference and get past through it holding the light of love in the Journey we began. A promise of Unconditional Pure Love. 
The next morning and a few mornings after that rose with him and I had to leave to reach the skies of my career and make the woman in me proud. We started our journey in our ways to make a future of better living, to accomplish our goals.
We were away physically, but always near by heart. We may not spend hours chatting and talking in phone and nights on Skype or FaceTime. But I always knew he would give me his time if we were near and he knew I would do the same. Every time I missed him I told my heart It was for better times. It takes an extra strand of Patience and Understanding. However, it is the easiest when you have determined to Accept and then expect. For only then when expectations are not met acceptance takes over to see the person I love and not the moment that that I expected. Yes, I fell Magically in Love with him. 
Kissing my pillow and smiling to myself I wake up this morning to face the hard truth of the Shy still weighing heavily inside me, and the man of my dreams vanish into thin air as I open my eyes. Will I see him ever in my life? Is he around or Is my destiny going to take me to him? Will he come If I slept again? My heart yearned like a child wanting a tofee for one last hug and that mesmerizing kiss for one last time. It is not a cold breezy morning but a Hot sunny day during the Summer in Chennai. Every realization slowly sinking in my heart to believe what I saw was just an effect of the movie I watched the night before and nothing more. Heavy was the truth that it was all a fantasy. For in reality we Expect, Love and Regret. The Prince Charming of my dreams taught me the magic of Acceptance as the key to Unconditional Love. Ahhh! He had been the wonder Love Guru. 

Love Sick Mornings
With Love

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